MAN ON TV: The man who taught America to laugh,
Kenny Bell.
This time I'm gonna put a permanent fix on that creep.
Lee Russo is that dangerous?
Lee hired a man to break the drummer's fingers.
They got my funny box.
How do you expect to get it back?
You get it back
by delivering $10,000 cash up on Mulholland at midnight.
Mr. Bell, did you hire Mr. Rockford?
Do you mind if I call my attorney?
Kenny, this is my neck we're talking about!
Looks like both of them. Let's get it over with.
ROCKFORD ON ANSWERING MACHINE: This is Jim Rockford.
At the tone, leave your name and message.
I'll get back to you.
WOMAN: Mr. Rockford, Sue Ellen.
Our class is having that crazy scavenger hunt I told you about.
If you're wondering what happened to your trailer door,
it's gonna win me first prize!
RUSSO: It's wonderful to be with you tonight.
It's wonderful to be anywhere tonight except back stage.
I mean, my ex-wife just showed up.
You remember her, don't you? The dragon-lady.
Boy, she's really something.
She used to say to me,
"I gave up everything for you. Everything."
I finally forgot what everything was.
Food stamps, welfare, the tenement.
Listen, I gave that lady everything.
A house, fur coats, jewelry.
Still, she wasn't satisfied. I mean, she kept hounding me. She said
every month she wanted to go on a vacation.
So I sent her to Paris, sent her to Rome, Villa Veneto, Spain.
All the great places.
Finally, she comes to me and she says,
"I want to go someplace different,
"someplace I've never been before."
So I took her to the kitchen.
Good timing, huh, babe? Huh?
Oh, I was just laughing at this cartoon.
Look, why don't you do something constructive
and make Lee a drink, huh?
Okay.
Make it mild.
Where was I?
"I took her to the kitchen."
So I took her to the kitchen.
TECHNICIAN: Hey, Maury, check to see if Mr. Bell is ready.
Boy, look at this, sonny, huh?
Can you beat this? I tried.
You know I don't like these things.
I don't know why you wouldn't let me bail out. You could've brought L.J.
Well, Kenny Bell, he don't personally know L.J.
Besides, these are mighty special passes.
And don't forget that dinner invite.
Kenny Bell must be quite a fella.
I told you, Dad, I turned that down.
I wouldn't work as Kenny Bell's trouble shooter
if he threw in the entire chorus line at the Tahoe Lodge.
Now, what are you getting sore about it?
I'm not sore. Yes, you're sore.
Okay, I'm sore. Just forget it, huh?
I tell you, if a big man like Kenny Bell
was trying to hire me for a job, I would jump at the chance.
Dad, just...
MALE ANNOUNCER: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen,
to the Second Annual Galaxy of Stars Variety Show,
coming to you live from the Palisades Theatre in Hollywood, California.
Now, Lee, you want to watch your old side-kick?
Sure, why not.
Guy's still doing his old circus barker routine.
His gags are so old, even Berle wouldn't steal them.
You're all heart, I must say.
MAN ON TV: And now, ladies and gentlemen,
the man who taught America to laugh.
Please welcome Mr. Kenny Bell.
Thank you. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
It's so good to see you.
I was backstage with Max.
That's my wife, dragon-lady.
You know, she's marvelous.
She's yelling at me backstage,
"Look what I gave up for you.
"Look what I gave up for you!"
I said, "Terrific.
"Welfare, food stamps, and a tenement. "
This woman, she has everything, I'll tell you.
You know, every month she goes someplace different...
Stop him! How?
He's on live. Right now.
It's the last time, Al.
This time, I'm gonna put a permanent fix on that creep.
"I want to go someplace different,
"someplace I've never been before. "
So I took her to the kitchen.
Six months ago she lost a credit card.
You know, I didn't report it to the police.
The thief spent less than she did.
You know, actually though, she's remarkable.
The other night I'm sound asleep,
and all of a sudden I hear "wham-bam!"
She's hitting me with a stick.
I said, "What are you doing?"
She says, "Look at this." And she shows me a piece of paper.
On the piece of paper it's written "Mary B.
"BE8-1535."
"Telephone number! Cheating on me!"
I said, "Sweetheart, relax. I'm not cheating on you.
"Mary B's a horse,
"BE is Belmont, 8 is the eighth race,
"the 1535 is what it paid."
She says, "Oh, I'm sorry." She kisses me and I go back to sleep.
An hour later, "wham-bam, crash!" She's hitting me again.
I said, "Now what's the matter?"
She says, "Don't look now, but your horse just called. "
Anyway, I know what I'm going to have written on my tombstone.
It's going to say, "Pardon me for not getting up. "
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
ANNOUNCER: Let's have a big hand for Mr. Kenny Bell!
Now would you welcome please,
direct from an engagement at the Palladium in London, England,
Mr. Alan Maxford.
TECHNICIAN: Up on one, camera one.
How did it look, okay? Hey.
Hey, I'm talking to you!
Oh, hi, Lee. How you doing?
It's the last time, Kenny.
From now on, you're my number-one project. You're through!
I'm gonna run you out of this business
if it takes every dime I've got in the world.
What are you talking about?
Listen, I want to know how you got your hands on my material.
Your material? Are you kidding?
You've seen me unwrap that material in front of 40 million people.
From now on, that's original classic Kenny Bell.
Hold it down guys.
Get out of here!
Just cool off.
I'm trying to be nice to this guy.
See what he did to me? He almost took a poke at me.
You're going round the bend. You ought to go see a doctor.
You're dead! Yeah?
Now, hold on. Who the hell are you?
My name is Jim Rockford. Why don't you go someplace and just cool down.
All right, Mr. Russo?
Sure.
Great.
Thanks, Rocks.
Nerve of that guy.
When you break up a partnership, you go all the way.
I don't know what's the matter with him.
I don't understand it, sonny.
Them fellas always seemed so close,
like in that picture where he had the chicken laid the golden egg.
I don't understand. Yeah, well, let's go, Rock.
Come in.
Hey, Kenny, I thought we'd just shove off.
Oh, hey, Rocks.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to leave you out there,
but I was upset. Come on in.
Come in, come in, come in.
That's a mighty funny routine you do, Mr. Bell.
Hey, don't tell me, Rocks Senior, right?
This is my father, Joseph.
Maxine and Kenny Bell.
Hi, Jim. Hello, Mr. Rockford.
Hey, listen, honey, I know you're busy,
but would you toss those in the little bags? Wrap them.
Yes. Thank you.
Sorry you had to get in the middle of that thing with Lee.
Boy.
Well, enough of that. Let's wrap up here and go to dinner,
because I figure I can still talk you into that job, Jim.
Hey, Jim did a nice piece of work for me three years ago
and I'd like to repay the favor.
But Jim's a hard guy to hire.
Not hard, Kenny. Impossible.
Yeah, we'll see about that.
Hello?
Hey, hi, Don! How are you?
Thank you. Yeah, it's all new original material.
It's the old Kenny Bell concept.
Yeah?
Thank you.
Terrific. Okay.
Yeah, right away.
Hey, Max, I've got to split. Yeah?
It's Don Davis from the Morris office.
They want to sign me to an exclusive representation on all fields.
Just on the basis of my new act.
That's wonderful, Kenny!
And afterward, they're waiting out front for me,
we're going up to a party at Hef's.
But, Kenny, we promised...
Oh! I know I promised,
but look, I've been looking to change agents for a year now
and, well, it's William Morris' office, and business is business.
What can you do? It's okay, Kenny.
Hey, hey, Max,
why don't you take the two Rocks down to the Pond.
Oh, hey, Kenny, listen...
That's mighty nice of you, Mr. Bell.
KENNY: There you go, see?
Hurry up, Max. We've got customers waiting.
Isn't she a treasure?
I should've had her buried years ago.
I got to put that in the act!
By the way, everything's on me, honey.
Try the lobster à la Kenny Bell. It's terrific.
And, Rocks, I'll call you tomorrow.
Take care.
My, this is really a fancy restaurant.
I guess you come here all the time, though.
Oh, no. This is my first time.
You mean there's a restaurant that has a lobster à la Kenny Bell
and you ain't never been here?
Well, Kenny comes here mostly just to talk business.
Jim, I wish you'd accept Kenny's offer.
Well, I'd like to freelance,
so I'm... He's thinking it over.
Do you really think that Lee Russo is that dangerous?
Yes. One time at the Club Lido, back in the early '60s,
Lee got very angry at a drummer for doing rim shots
after Kenny's funny lines.
So he went up to the drummer and he told him to punch up his lines up, too,
and when the drummer didn't...
Yes, well, I guess that is ancient history.
No, no, no. Go on, please.
MAX: Well, Lee hired a man
to break the drummer's fingers.
They always seemed so close in all them movies they made.
MAX: No. They were never very close.
And now it seems to be getting worse
and, for the life of me, I can't understand why.
They've been split up over five years.
That doesn't sound like much of a partnership.
It wasn't. WAITER: Good evening.
Are you ready to order? Yes, sir.
I'm going to have the lobster à la Kenny Bell.
The what, sir?
The way you do it for Kenny Bell.
Oh, you mean the lobster Newberg, sir.
I mean the lobster Kenny Bell.
I'm sorry, but that's what Mr. Bell has,
the lobster Newberg. I'll have that, too.
Make it three, please.
He told me to ask for lobster Kenny Bell.
Sir, we have a Milton Berle sandwich and a Hope salad, sir,
but no Lobster à la anything but Newberg.
Lee, wait.
You're so mad, you're gonna do something you'll regret.
Now, can't it wait? No, it can't!
I better go try and find Kenny.
He's okay. He's with his agent friend.
Yes, but Lee is very angry,
and with what you told me before, I...
Maxine, would you like me to see what Lee is up to,
just to be on the safe side?
Would you?
Rocky, would...
If I don't get back, see that Mrs. Bell gets home all right, will you?
Yeah. What about the lobster?
Doggie bag.
It'll be a great late night snack.
It's not that bad.
It's worse.
After you called
I went over and pulled this out of your room.
A bug.
So that's how he stole my act.
Two-bit bum.
You understand what this means, Lee?
You remember what we talked about after your writers left?
Okay, okay. So Kenny bugged my room.
He was your partner and spent 20 years loathing you.
What's he gonna do with the information? Nothing.
Kenny's all mouth and no guts.
He had guts enough to go on national television and do your act.
Yeah, but he can't afford to admit he stole. Look, he can't say anything.
I can't take the chance.
Meaning?
Look, Lee,
you know how it is with me.
I can't afford visibility.
If it got out,
there's too much at stake.
Paul, I don't like to be this way, believe me,
but I got a very rich payroll to meet every week and I'm gonna meet it.
Look, will you stop worrying?
About you or Kenny Bell?
Come on, Paul. You know you don't have to worry about me.
Kenny is a nebbish.
All you got to do is lean on him a little bit.
He's not going to say anything.
I mean, nothing terminal, you understand.
Just a Band-Aid. That's all you'll need.
We take care of everything tonight.
Set it up for midnight.
I tell you, for the time we spent out there,
we sure should've caught something.
Two little eight year-old kids with a couple of fish
about like that... KENNY: Hey, Rocks!
Hey, Rocks, where've you been?
I've been looking all over for you.
Man, I don't believe it. I never thought you'd show your face around here.
They got my funny box. They got what?
Look, you don't have no charge account at that Pond.
And you don't have no lobster named after you neither.
I'm sorry about that, Joe. Honest I am.
He's sorry!
They wouldn't let me out of the joint
till I left my social security check.
Max called me up and told me all about it.
It was $59.65, wasn't it? Yeah.
I should have sent you over to see Emilio.
They've got new waiters in there.
Yeah, they don't know what they're doing.
Here, look. Well, thanks.
Hey, listen, I'm in a rush.
They've got me on a 5:30 flight out.
Just slow down, will you, Kenny?
How can I slow down?
They got my funny box.
They came into my home last night and they stole it.
What is a funny box?
It's a catalogue of jokes. It's priceless.
Did you file a police report?
How can I do that? In my business you got to pretend it's up here.
I've been denying that I've had a funny box for years.
I just can't come out and say, "Hey, sure,
"I kept all of my priceless material on file."
If you didn't file a report, how do you expect to get it back, Kenny?
You get it back
by delivering $10,000 cash up on Mulholland at midnight.
Midnight at Mulholland?
Oh, no. I can't do that. No.
No, you see, I just sent my trench coat,
my snap-brim hat out to be cleaned.
Oh, come on Rocks, would you cut it out?
I don't know who it was on the phone,
but it's somebody fronting for Lee.
You don't think Lee Russo is trying to shake you down?
Are you kidding?
He's been trying to sandbag my career for years.
Ever since we broke up.
You saw him last night.
I was sensational, and he went bananas.
Well, what does Lee Russo need with ten grand? He tips that much.
You must know what he makes for a concert at the Bowl, huh?
Yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah.
Yeah, it wasn't Lee.
If he had my material, he wouldn't sell it back to me, would he?
Probably tear it up and throw it down the toilet.
Okay, I don't know who got it,
but you're going to get it back for me.
You get it back yourself.
But I told you, Jim, I'm on a 5:30 flight to Vegas.
I got to be there.
You remember Don Davis?
You heard me speak to him in the dressing room last night.
Dan Rickles has come down with Vegas throat.
They want me to fill in for him at the main room at the Sahara tonight.
I don't do midnight pay-offs.
I thought you did this kind of a thing for your living.
You were wrong.
Kenny, Max asked me to keep tabs on Lee. I did it.
I spent a lot of time and trouble
tailing him to some house in the Valley.
He met with Silvan, president of the Lucas Cheese Company.
It was a very strange house.
It was drab and unlived in. Now what's the tie-in?
How should I know? All I know is that Rickles came down with laryngitis
and they want me to fill in for him.
Kenny, will you stop trying to snow me?
You're not going to play the main room at the Sahara or any place else.
Says who? Past history.
Oh, yeah? Call the Morris office.
Ask for Don Davis. Go ahead.
You heard me speak to him last night.
He loves me and he wants to buy my new act.
Hey, look... Okay, Jim,
let's level.
I need this break.
I need you to get back my funny box.
Now, what's it going to take to buy your cooperation, huh?
Two grand.
You got to be kidding.
A lot of messenger services have an hourly rate.
Hey, look, I can't trust this to a messenger service.
Look at this, pal. Huh?
Now you think I'm kidding?
Okay.
You got your two grand.
All right? When I get finished with this Vegas stand,
this is going to be small potatoes.
OFFICER: Hold it right there!
Drop the briefcase.
This afternoon, Mr. Bell engaged me
to deliver a sum of money to Mulholland Drive.
In return for which I was to receive a funny box
belonging to Mr. Bell and stolen from his home.
And you just happened to find Lee Russo spread all over his car?
That's right, Diehl. You want to make my statement for me or should I continue?
Lieutenant Diehl to you, Rockford.
Oh, how could I forget? I tell you.
You've been stalled at lieutenant for what, 12 years?
Lieutenant, can we expedite this?
Opportunity in this case seems to have reared its ugly head,
but a murder one case that's less than ludicrous
requires a motive and a weapon.
Which you don't have, which means you have nothing.
Go on, go on. You were telling me about a funny box.
You were supposed to receive some kind of funny box?
Yeah. It's a joke catalogue,
a tool professional comedians use.
In all my years on the force,
I think that might be my favorite alibi.
Lieutenant, that young couple up on Mulholland
that filed that gunshot complaint, they'd like to go home.
So, let 'em.
Lieutenant, Mr. Kenny Bell will substantiate my client's claim.
If you will stop fumfering around and contact him in Las Vegas.
We've been trying, Miss Davenport.
But until we can contact him,
we still have one major international celebrity
dead as a plank with Rockford found
right at the scene with a briefcase containing ten grand.
We also have reports from Russo's people
that Rockford and the victim
came very close to blows the other night.
A minor altercation of which Mr. Rockford
was not even the target.
Excuse me, Lieutenant.
I got through to the casino.
Rickles opened in the main room in perfect health tonight.
The management also told me that Kenny Bell
has not been a headliner in Vegas
since he drove his golf cart into Lake Mead.
Let me make a call.
You had your call.
I'll charge it to my home phone, all right?
If Kenny Bell's where I think he is,
you're gonna have to nail me on a murder one rap yet.
... and a secure niche as one of America's most popular entertainers
of the last 20 years.
Once again, Lee Russo, dead at the age of 52.
We'll be back with more news and weather after this commercial break.
Hey, Max. Max, the phone!
Kenny...
I told you, I don't want to talk to anybody.
Can't you do one simple thing for me?
I don't know why you're upset.
He didn't cry for you
when he poisoned those people over at Metro against me.
Now, answer it, will you?
Hello?
Yeah, this is Jim. Where is he, Maxine?
You mean Kenny?
I don't know, Jim.
You heard about Lee?
Yes. They're trying to stick me with it, Maxine.
I found the body while handling Kenny's problem.
I need backup.
Hold it.
I think I just heard somebody come in.
They're holding Jim at the police station, Kenny.
I just can't lie for you anymore. Here.
That was no lady. That was my wife.
Hey, hey, Jimbo! How are you?
Hear you got a little problem.
Anything Kenny can do?
Kenny can start by explaining Don Rickles' miraculous cure.
What can I say, Lieutenant? Don went on anyway.
The man's a trouper. He's lying.
Mr. Bell, did you hire Mr. Rockford
to make a ransom exchange
for a funny box belonging to you? Excuse me?
Said you have a catalogue of jokes.
A tool used by professional comics.
KENNY: Well, to begin with, I never had one,
so there would be no reason to hire Jim to... What was it?
Ransom it did you say?
Kenny, this is my neck we're talking about!
KENNY: Hey, Rocks, I know.
Can I get you some bail money, some legal fees?
Anything I can do?
You're stating for the record, there's no permanent joke file?
Look, Lieutenant, I'm not that kind of a performer.
Spontaneity, natural flow, that's what I go for.
I've got it all here and it's all here.
You've no doubt seen my work.
He's denying this funny box
because it's some kind of a disgrace to admit he needs one.
As far as hiring Jimmy is concerned,
well, this is very painful for me, Lieutenant.
Could we speak privately?
Hey, come on, Kenny, don't go now.
You've got the house with you. Okay.
There was some talk of me hiring Jimmy.
In fact, he came to me and told me he was down on his luck.
He asked if he could be my personal...
Keep your seat, Rockford.
KENNY: I said, "Hey, Rocks,
"you know I've already got a personal manager."
He said to me, "Hey, Kenny, anything,
"anything I can do, gofer,
"schlep, anything."
There was some talk about me hiring him,
but only in the most general sense.
In fact, I bought him a meal at the Pond.
Well, that's the thanks you get, huh?
Hey, it's like Frank says,
"Every comet has its tail."
You can't possibly believe this swill he's dishing out.
Hey, listen, Lieutenant,
I've come down here to cooperate.
I don't have to be insulted, too.
Especially now at this time of personal grief.
Okay, Kenny. Okay, fine.
This rap won't stick.
And when I'm out, I'm personally going to add
a few rim shots to your routine.
Davis, take Mr. Rockford down to the print desk,
although I'm sure he knows the way.
Sad.
What happened? I saw them take Jim downstairs.
Oh, really? Oh, well, it got kind of complicated legally and...
But you did tell them that Jim was working for you?
That he's innocent?
Oh...
It's not right.
Kenny, you did tell them that, didn't you?
What? That Jim is innocent.
Then you better go back in there and explain it to them.
Oh, no, no...
I'm thinking about Lee.
About the reporters.
I mean, if someone doesn't speak for Lee...
I mean, I should speak for Lee.
I mean, I've been his partner for 20 years, you know what I mean?
You hated him. You cursed him.
You tried to tear him down.
You wished terrible diseases on him. Shh.
Come on. There were some good times, weren't there?
Kenny, there are millions of people to speak for Lee.
Johnny, Frank,
all those people at the Friars.
Oh, yeah, but... It's Jim who needs speaking for now.
Yeah, well...
You're exploiting Lee's death.
How can you say a thing like that?
He was my partner.
Hey, Max.
Jim, please.
Stay away from Kenny.
Diehl would like nothing better than for you to mix it up.
You'll do something you'll regret.
I never do things I regret.
I'm serious.
Where have you been? Home.
After they put me in a holding cell
you just went home?
I do have a home, you know. I live there.
Come on, Jim. I've got to get to court.
If you want to get your car at the impound lot... No, no, no.
What do you know about the Lucas Cheese Products in Garden Grove?
Never heard of them.
What about Paul Silvan?
What do you need, another set of problems to go with your free hand?
Why? What's Silvan's story?
I don't think the guy has ever had a parking violation.
His old man is August Silvan.
The first one in the bushes when the police hit the Appalachian Conference.
The mob?
What's Paul Silvan's connection with Lee Russo?
I didn't think there was one.
Paul Silvan is ex-Brooklyn,
Lee Russo was pure Hollywood.
Well, they both loved to hang out together in the Valley,
at least that's where they were the other night.
I better find the famous Mr. Bell
before he hides in some bushes.
You know, this is beginning to make some sense.
Well, not to me, it doesn't.
Morning, sir.
Motor vehicle inspection. May I see your license and registration, please?
Officer, I have some important business to attend to
and time is crucial.
May I see your license and registration, please?
I just had a small check,
the car was just serviced 500 miles ago.
Is this your current address?
Yes, yes.
Look, is there any way I might come down to the station later?
I'm really in a hurry.
Would you sound your horn, please?
Hey, Jim, I don't know why you're being so hostile.
I mean, you are out. I knew you would be.
You're right, I told them everything.
I'm out, but I'm still the best thing they've got!
Now, they can make my life pretty miserable, Kenny.
Yeah, well, don't worry, they're gonna find the real killer.
This is the best police force in the nation.
Somehow I don't feel reassured.
Now, I want some original material, Kenny.
Do you own a .32 pistol?
As a matter of fact, I do. How'd you know that?
Because Lee Russo was killed with a .32.
That's the only reason I'm enjoying this little field trip
from county jail. I own a .38.
Hey, you're not trying to say that I killed Lee?
Would I give you credit for so much guts?
I want to see your gun.
All right. It's here.
It's right here.
It's gone.
I guess I didn't realize it when the funny box was stolen. But it's not there.
It was probably taken the same night.
You see how it's going, Kenny?
Oh, wow.
Oh, my God, I didn't think.
You mean they tried to set me up for Lee's murder?
No, I don't think so.
No, they'd have left the gun there at the scene for evidence.
No, I think they wanted to kill you. Double homicide.
I mean, you and Lee, you got into a beef
one of the famous hatreds of the western world and all that,
then you shot each other. Anybody would buy it.
Who'd want to murder me? You name it, Kenny.
You have universal appeal.
But I think you know the particular reason.
Now I want to know it.
I haven't the faintest idea.
Remember I told you that I followed Lee Russo to a house in the Valley?
Yeah. Well, I found this.
What's that? You know what it is. It's a bug.
Lee Russo claimed you stole his act.
Is that how you did it?
Come on, don't insult me on top of everything else.
I told you that was my act.
It was my original concept.
I think they found out you bugged Lee.
And that you'd heard something else. Something they didn't like.
That's why they wanted you dead.
You got any ideas?
Okay.
Lee... Lee was, well...
Go, Kenny.
All right. Lee was all mobbed up.
Paul Silvan, he was syndicate.
I already know that.
Don't you get it, see?
Pail Silvan, he backed Lee all the way.
Hell, that's the only reason he made it.
They came to me, too. The mob.
They wanted to back me.
San Lorca from Detroit, he wanted to back me
with PR, record deals, motion picture contracts, the works.
I couldn't do that.
Hey, Rocks, I'm a mensch.
I'm no puppet for some salad oil czar.
That's the secret they'd be worried about?
Sure.
Paul Silvan, he's low profile.
Being tied up publicly with a saloon singer like Lee,
well, then he had limelight problems, right?
Maybe. What do you mean, maybe?
There's no question about it. Okay.
If you say so.
So why do I get the feeling you're lying, huh?
You know, I only got a little murder rap to sweat,
but you, it's like I say,
I think they want you embalmed.
Hi, Jim.
Where have you been?
Here, give me those. What's the matter?
We've got to get packing. We've got to get out of here.
We'll go to your mother's. Go ahead.
Get in the room. Start packing, will you, honey?
I got to call the heat off me.
I got a phone call to make.
Oh, Miss Thompson? Yes?
I'm Cliff Braddock, police department.
How'd you find me?
Your apartment manager told me that you came by the theater
to pick up a few things you'd left.
I've already made a complete statement.
Just a few more questions if you don't mind.
Look, I want to cooperate but Mr. Paul's waiting to do my hair,
and I have to go to Giorgio's and hope they've got something in black.
The funeral's this afternoon.
Oh, it's not for me, I mean, what do I care how I look.
But I was Lee's lady and he'd want to be proud of me.
I'm sure he was.
What did you want to know?
Well, you'd dated Lee Russo for quite a while, I believe.
Over two years. Steady.
Then you know Paul Silvan.
Like I know Lee. They were real close.
Almost like brothers.
The Three Musketeers, that's what I used to call us.
We were always together.
That cut into your privacy little, didn't it?
You said you were Lee's lady.
That's what it always boils down to, isn't it?
You see a good looking guy and some fox, it's got to be sex.
And it wasn't?
It was love and respect and good times.
These questions are pretty personal.
Murder is just about as personal as you can get.
Look, it bugged me at first that he didn't try like everybody else.
But then I understood why.
You know how tired a guy like Lee gets
with women throwing themselves at him all the time?
But me, he took everywhere.
Even if he and Paul were just going out shopping, he'd take me.
Did he take you to Paul's house in the Valley?
Paul doesn't live in the Valley. He lives in Bel Air.
We never went there.
Oh, and you went everywhere together?
All the time.
Except when he and Paul had to talk business.
Did they talk business often?
Yeah. Pretty often.
Why? What are you getting at?
Lori, did it ever occur to you
that Lee Russo might be homosexual?
Hello, Pop.
Heard you wanted to see me.
How's Arlene and the kids?
Fine.
And you?
The new medication helping with the dizziness?
You're concerned about me, huh?
Of course I'm concerned.
I was just thinking about your Grandpa Nick.
When I was a kid he used to tell stories
about certain men in the old country.
Men who loved other men.
Oh, they were funny stories.
Oh, what your Grandpa Nick and his friends
used to do to those men, I tell you.
We laughed,
because these people were not in our family.
Our family was made up of real men.
What's on your mind, Pop?
Today
I got a call from some scum named Kenny Bell.
He wants me to hear this tape.
It's a copy he says.
What I heard on this tape
sounds like you.
Sounds like my son
and this entertainer, Lee Russo.
I know it can't be my son.
Well, what do you think we should do about it?
I tell you what I think you should do.
You should deny it.
Dad... You deny it to me,
and we'll never discuss it again ever.
Deny it!
No.
I'm not going to lie to you anymore.
Why? Why would you do this?
It's a sin. It's vile. It's perverted.
Our heritage says that it's shameful.
All that has a certain piquancy to it
considering how we earn our living, don't you think?
No, I don't think!
Because I don't understand what them big fancy words mean.
I'm just a man who worked hard every day,
a man who succeeded,
a man who would never shame the business
that put bread in his mouth.
And more than that, I'm a man.
So am I. Oh, please, huh!
Don't make me throw up.
Now, this jukebox idol, this Lee Russo,
he was the first? No.
I've had lovers since I was a teenager.
Lovers?
He calls them lovers.
Why didn't you ever talk to me about this?
I tried. No, you never did!
Yes, I did!
Once when I was young
and couldn't sleep because so much was happening in my mind
and I was mixed up in my feelings, I woke you up
and we tried to talk in the kitchen.
Remember? We didn't talk about that.
We talked about something else. I don't remember what.
We talked about men!
And how I was attracted to them.
Or at least I tried to talk about it.
But you went off on a tangent
and twisted my words around to make it mean something else.
You were a child.
Young boys, 13, 14 years old,
sometimes they get confused.
It's a stage.
I was 17 years old, Pop.
Seventeen.
I'm still your son.
And I love you.
As you like.
I'll see that no disgrace comes to you.
I've already taken care of Lee.
Which didn't solve the problem.
We were going to deal with Kenny Bell, but he didn't show up.
He's the only one who knows.
He and a detective they hired.
I'll see that they're both taken care of,
and I'll destroy the tape.
Hey, Paul, Paul. Just one more thing.
This filth
never happen again, huh?
Paulie?
Come on, Max. I'll get the car.
Okay, where you going, Kenny, huh?
Don Rickles catch Vegas throat again?
Very funny.
No...
Maxine's mother, we just got a call, she's very ill.
Kenny, that's a lie.
Thanks, Maxine.
Kenny, you'll be free to go anywhere you want
as soon as you've had a chat with Lieutenant Diehl.
About what?
Well, you can start by telling him how you stole
Lee's act for the Galaxy of Stars Show.
How you bugged his room.
Hey, we got a plane to catch. Kenny.
Okay.
Okay, so I bugged Lee's room.
I wanted to hear what kind of material he had.
Hey, I knew he was gay for years.
But he had the best writers in the business.
It wasn't fair.
Kenny, you didn't know Paul Silvan was gay.
You're going to have to go to the police with me.
It's your only way out of this mess.
Hey, hey, Rocks, I'm sorry but it's not in the cards, man.
Kenny, if you don't go with Jim right now,
I might not be here when you get back.
Stop fooling around. Where would you go without me?
If you think you can blackmail people like the Silvan family
into letting you live, you forget it.
Hey, Max.
I'm sorry.
Okay, I'll go. I'm going.
Okay, Kenny, get in the car.
Be here when I get back.
Looks like both of them. Good.
Let's get it over with.
Uh-oh.
There's a police station on Hayvenhurst.
Nah, it's too far.
Oh, ah-ha, there!
Let's go.
Hi, fellas.
Yes.
Mr. Silvan, you wanted me to call you when it was taken care of.
Well, sir, this is very difficult for me,
but, you see, Paul didn't...
You mean it wasn't taken care of? Yes, sir.
This Rockford got Kenny Bell to the cops.
Mr. Silvan, I know this is none of my business,
but what's this all about?
Do it.
Don't mean Paul, do you, sir?
Just do as I say.
Hey, Rocks, I really appreciate everything you've done,
and I'm gonna pay you for every day you were on the job.
Hey, hey, it's no problem.
It'll work out.
Say listen, how's Maxine?
Oh, a little touchy,
but she'll come around.
Truth of the matter is that she left me.
Oh.
I never thought she'd do that.
Hi, Joe, what do you know? What do I know?
I'll tell you, that check you gave me
bounced like there was no gravity in the air.
The check bounced?
Boy, that business manager of mine.
Listen, you see, I have these different accounts.
He never puts the money where I tell him to, you know.
Listen, I'll call Dale on the phone
and I'll get this whole thing straightened out if it's the last thing I do.
Don't bother, Kenny. You don't owe either one of us a thing.
What are you saying? You never seen a check bounce that quick.
It's okay, Rocky. Just tear it up.
Kenny's already paid us. I have?
$2,000 worth.
$2,000?
You're not talking about the money you brought up to Mulholland?
Yeah, that's right. The police will be releasing it to me in 90 days,
and I keep two grand for our deal,
and I promised Maxine the other eight.
Might make her a little hard to find.
You can't do that. That's my money for the funny box.
You didn't come down with the funny box, did you?
What funny box?
You're on record as saying there is no funny box,
and you never hired me.
It's all here and here.
Remember?